Reflections
on adoption and parenting
by
Clarence and Karen Meekis
This
recent holiday season, our family visited Oregon , spending
time with Karyn's family and many friends. We had a busy,
yet refreshing visit with her family. When we were invited
to share some of our experiences in parenting for this
column, we initially shared a story about Karyn being
a foster child, and how she has found security in being
accepted and adopted into a Christian family home. We
wanted to share this further for others sharing a similar
experience and for adoptive parents as well.
Karyn
was placed into foster care along with two brothers at
the age of three, and she has limited, if any, memories
before this change. From that time on, there was never
any connection to her birth family. The following number
of years became a mix of new families, different locations,
experiencing many types of abuse, and never ‘belonging’.
She eventually was accepted into a Christian home where
her world began to become a better place.
Adoption
The
Bible makes reference to adoption and the need for everyone
to enjoy the security of strong family life. Psalm 68:5-6
states that our Creator is a …(v. 5
) “father to the fatherless, a defender
of widows, is God in His holy dwelling (v. 6
). God sets [or places] the lonely in [to]
families…” (NIV)
Romans
also reminds us that we are all adopted and considered
children of our Creator and Father God. Romans 8:15-17,
“So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves.
You should behave instead like God's very own children,
adopted into His family calling Him “Father, dear
Father” (v.16). For His Holy Spirit speaks to us
deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children
(v.17). And since we are His children, we will share His
treasures—for everything God gives to His Son, Christ,
is ours, too…” (New Living Translation).
Karyn's
adoption experience became her choice and also a desire
expressed from her new parents. She didn't quite understand
what adoption meant, but wanted to experience ‘belonging’
to a family of her own. To this day, September 26, remains
a special day of celebration and thankfulness. She now
belongs!
Adoption
in First Nations traditions
Traditionally,
First Nations had a strong tradition of viewing the child
as a member of a caring community, not just the sole responsibility
of birth parents. When required, children were cared for
and raised by relatives or members of the same community,
and many maintained a connection to their birth family.
More recently, First Nations adoption has been referred
to as “custom adoption” or “customary
adoption”. Some First Nations custom adoption practices
lets families who have had a child put into foster care
take part in deciding who might adopt their child, and
to continue playing a role in the child's life. The spirit
of openness pervades custom adoption: the birth parents
stay in touch with the children, and the children benefit
by keeping a connection with their birth family, and thus
part of who they are. The community continues to stay
involved in supporting and affirming the important roles
of the birth and adoptive parents and extended families,
avoiding many common practices of not maintaining any
connection with birth families. Cultural awareness can
also be vital in nurturing a healthy identity in a growing
child. In Karyn's situation, she was not aware that she
was Native American until after she was adopted. Her adoptive
parents invested a lot of energy into ensuring that Karyn
and her brothers experienced their Native American culture.
Questions
from adopted children.
When
questions arise, spiritual support and affirmation are
critical to every child and even more so for adopted children
because most have very pressing questions. Who are my
birth parents? Why was I given up? Can I search for my
birth family? Will I ever feel like I belong in my new
family? Some of these questions may never be answered,
yet they need attention and some form of answer. Karyn
still has some of these very questions, but she had a
strong spiritual upbringing and constant reassurance of
belonging; this continues to be a blessing today. A focus
on belonging has become much more important for Karyn,
even though questions may remain.
For
the parents
Be
open and offer information as soon as your child can understand.
Share their life story with them, and share it often.
This can be very affirming. Karyn's family has helped
her remember her story by keeping a “life book”
that includes pictures, stories and achievements of her
growing years. Learn from the experiences of others. Karyn's
parents have maintained relationships with many people
who could offer advice and information. Today, Karyn continues
to be faithful in being a mother to our three wonderful
children and supporting others who have chosen to care
for children in need of families. All children deserve
a fulfilling life with a knowledge of belonging, while
reaching their God-given potential.
