Raising
Honest Children
by
Karen and Clarence Meekis
Recently,
I came upon my five year old son, Skye, finishing up something
he was clearly not allowed to do. I asked why he had done
this. He looked at me and denied what had happened. I
sent him to his room. As a father of younger children,
I was caught off guard by my son's choice to be dishonest.
My child had deliberately lied to me and looked into my
eyes while doing so. So many questions came to my mind
and heart. Why do our children lie? Did we as parents
miss something? Do our children learn this from us? What
causes us to have this desire to protect ourselves by
lying? If it's our fault, can we fix this? Can we help
our children make better choices and tell the truth? Regardless
of consequences?
Becoming
a discerning parent
My
wife and I are beginning to see that dealing with lying
from our children is much more about behavior and environment
than simply about "Why?" What triggers a child's
behavior? Is our child trying to avoid consequences or
is our child simply being a child? If your child is anything
like ours, they tend to get into mischief on a regular
basis. It is said that children begin to reason for themselves,
or express the difference between truth and dishonesty,
around the age of seven. So, perhaps the focus is more
on ensuring a positive environment than on dealing with
individual acts of dishonesty.
Teaching
truth and honesty
In
our region, many First Nations people are familiar with
teachings referred to as the ‘seven sacred teachings’
or ‘natural laws’, which are taught to youth.
Truth and honesty are two of these teachings. Our family
views these teachings as ‘sacred’ because
of their critical importance to each person's character,
and as ‘natural’ because they apply to all
humanity in their importance. How do we apply these important
traits in raising honest children?
Raising
honest children
We
parents can and must model honesty; after all, children
learn what they live. Susan Alexander Yates states “kids
see adult role models as examples of what it takes to
get ahead in the real world.” Our own children have
reminded us many times of activities we have promised
to do together, and then us parents ‘changed’
our mind or perhaps did not feel up to the activity. Also,
we as parents should not pass on our responsibility to
teach our children to other people. Many times we count
on others to do this; whether it is schoolteachers, friends,
or even Sunday school teachers. We should possess this
responsibility.
When
lying takes place
Our
children need to understand, even at an early age, that
there are consequences for our actions. We will often
send our children to their room for a time. This gives
us as parents time to think about applying discipline
and sharing rules that will make sense for younger children.
Discipline for our family can range from an occasional
spanking to having privileges withdrawn or adding extra
chores.
Reward
honesty
When
our children admit their deeds, we do our best to praise
them for their choices in being honest. When we show our
children that we value honesty more than having them complete
extra chores, they learn that there is nothing to fear
in telling the truth.
Help
them follow standards
Children
need to have reasons for following rules and standards.
We need to reinforce what God says about being honest
and truthful in all situations. God takes lying seriously
and states this as part of the ten commandments in Exodus
20:16 by saying, “You shall not give false testimony
…”Here we have a rule, but our children need
to be shown more than rules. Our children can thrive in
knowing there is blessing in being honest. Luke 16:10
states, “Whoever can be trusted with very little
can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest
with very little will also be dishonest with much.”
NIV
I
had sent my son to his room, and after about 20 minutes,
I decided to go and talk to him. I walked in, knelt down
to his eye level and asked him to look at me. I simply
asked him, “Did you do this?” Without any
hesitation, and looking directly into my eyes, he said,
“Yes, Daddy; I'm sorry” and immediately hugged
me and began crying. I nearly felt overcome by his emotion
and felt relief with my son's choice in action. He was
not afraid to be honest when shown patience and love.
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